My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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