Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
