like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
