escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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