That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My bed smells like the plague
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
