Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
