i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize