Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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