you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
