Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
