Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
