he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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