after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize