Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
