Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
