i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
