Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
