How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
