God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
