i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize