you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
