if i can run in heels then i can drive
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
