I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
