Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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