I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
