Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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