on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I want a musical about memes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
