I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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