I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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