and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
