I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
