Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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