Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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