Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
