It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
