too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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