no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
