I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
