Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
