Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize