she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize