Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
