Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
