okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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