I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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