she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
