It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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