Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
