the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
