my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize