He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
