and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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