when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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