I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
