She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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