wat bout pragnant strippers??
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
