I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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