she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
