: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
