I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
