yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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