you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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