I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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