Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
