six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
