What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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