everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
