Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize