Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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