she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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