His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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