eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
