Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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