ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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