oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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