The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
