I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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