A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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